Sunday, 06 December 2009

• Germs.

  I have a confession to make.

  I rarely wash my hands.

  Not before preparing or handling food, not after using the bathroom, not before and after helping someone who is sick, not after blowing my nose, coughing, or sneezing, not after handling an animal or animal waste, not after handling garbage, and certainly not before and after treating a cut.
  

  Now, I am sure many of you cringed a few times during that last paragraph. I am sure many of you are thinking "disgusting" to yourselves in your heads. Well, you're right; it is disgusting. But that's not the point. The point is that all the things I mentioned above are on the Center for Disease Control's list for avoiding contact with germs. (Only replace my word "not" with, you know, their word "wash")

  Now, so-called "doctors" and "scientists" claim that the vicious little microscopic monsters known as germs are the reason that we all get sick. I'd imagine they would take one look at my lifestyle and deem me a prime target for a germ-attack.

  Well tough titty Mr. Doctor and Scientist man. I'm as healthy as an ox. The last time I have been sick in the past five years was when I ate a piece of bread pudding that fell onto a floor that I had just washed with bleach. And I'm chalking that one to the bleach reeking havoc on my insides, not to your precioius germs.

  Which brings us to the point of today's post. I, Joseph Woodley "Rizzo" Lindsay do not believe in germs. You guys can continue washing your hands, opening door handles with tissues, and not eating things off the floor, but me? Imma go roll around in the mud for a while and then go make some sandwiches at work. Peace.

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